Middle Raged Podcast – Episode 15 Transcript

This is the transcript for episode 15 – if you’d like to listen to it, rather than read it, all episodes are available on this page.

Hello and welcome to this Episode 15 of the Middle Raged Podcast, with me, Adam Eccles, and my co-host Keith A Pearson.
Good evening.
And a very good evening to you on this auspicious, most auspicious of evenings.
That’s right.
And we’re going to play a little…
And what does that signify?
It signifies that we’re having a little reboot of the pod and shaking things up a bit.
So moving the furniture around.
Movers and shakers.
Yes.
You know, that’s, you know, we want to be one of the movers and shakers and not the…
Should we explain why we’re doing it?
Yeah.
Do you think people care?
I mean, I’m sure there’s a baited breath now with the speaker, you know, around the, around the fireplace and the living room, the whole family.
Uncle Adam and Uncle Keith are going to explain.
I suppose that, yes, there are multiple reasons for this, aren’t there?
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
One is because we just like fucking around with…
Yeah.
Leave us alone.
That is a good reason.
Stop it bleeding.
Yes.
Otherwise, yeah, but we need to keep it to a certain time limit for sanity and financial reasons.
And so we just need to keep to it.
Well, that was so right.
I think that the one-hour time is probably the most, you know, the sort of nice unit that, you know, the universe has invented these units of time.
And so we should probably stick to them.
So I think the one-hour…
You’ve gone so off-script.
I was going to say that after conducting extensive listener research, literally thousands of people have come back and told us that they would much prefer an episode that was an hour or slightly less.
Right.
Well, yeah, that’s what I was getting to.
You did ask Ian, though, so, you know.
Yeah.
There we go.
Ian in the office.
If he’s wrong, then blame him.
Then we’re screwed, right?
I mean, that’s the issue.
Everyone asks what we’re going.
Well, we want 90 minute episodes.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
But it’s part of a larger plan, a longer term plan where we would like to take this weekly.
And clearly we can’t do 90 minutes of waffle.
Even us, twice a week, once a week, yeah.
Yeah.
Too much and too far away.
You know what they say, too much of a good thing, too much of a mediocre thing is probably not good for you either.
That’s right.
Keep you up at night.
Yes.
Oh dear.
So, that’s that.
You’ll see, I suppose, how it pans out during the episode.
So the astute listener will notice small differences here and there.
And maybe one major one.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Good stuff.
So, so there’s that, right?
And I suppose just, just in case anyone is really weird, there’s, up on our website, there are transcripts available for the first 14 episodes so far.
Right?
Now these are generated by robots, so they may not be accurate.
In fact, they’re definitely not accurate in some places, right?
But they’re, they’re interesting.
And really, it’s a sort of, if you want to search on, when did we talk about, I don’t know, through Broom?
Yes.
You know, or, or, or something like that.
Timmy Tingle.
Timmy Tingle, yeah, especially.
Then you can look that up and say, oh, yeah, there it is.
And it doesn’t tell you who’s talking.
That’s the thing.
So it’s all, it’s a bit mixed up.
So the thought of going through 100 and to put this into context, was it, was it 140,000 words?
Yeah, exactly.
Which is more than a novel, way more than a novel.
Yeah.
So we’d take some quite a huge effort.
No one’s got time for that shit.
No. But if you’re really weird and you just want to go and read those, you can.
So enjoy.
That’s it.
I mean, or you could just listen to the episodes again.
Yeah.
Probably easier, I’d say.
Yeah.
But you know, this is one of those three benefits we’re going to throw out there, right?
Yeah.
So, all right, moving on to follow up.
I, speaking of Timmy Tingle, right?
There was an election here in Ireland last week, I think.
And I got politician spam through the door.
It’s just laughed out loud when I saw this, right?
The chap’s name was Timmy Dooley.
And I just obviously thought he must be the love child of Timmy Tingle and Julie Dooley.
What are the odds of that?
I mean, it’s ridiculous.
Did you vote for Timmy Dooley?
I did not know.
His name alone?
Well, yeah, probably should have.
But I left it.
I don’t know how to vote.
Do you know what would have been worse?
Because a lot of times they knock on the door.
Can you imagine if he’d opened the door and he went, I’m not going to do an Irish accent.
Please, no.
Can you imagine if he said, Hello there, I’m Timmy Dooley.
You’d feel like, fuck off, mate.
He’s going to wind up.
He’s a listener and he’s taking the piss.
Fuck off.
Oh dear, poor bastard.
But yeah, so, I mean, it’s proof, right, that these people exist.
Yeah.
I think we’ve definitely, we’ve started something, haven’t we?
Yes, yes, definitely.
It’s your fault.
I mean, you know.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so another name then we got suggested by Math Suite was a chap called Drew Peacock.
Um, and I just assumed that he’s a graffiti artist.
Um, don’t know.
A graffiti artist?
Yeah, because he drew a pea.
Oh, Drew Peacock.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
The classic, you know, the dickenballs.
Yeah.
With or without the jizz squirt.
Yeah, well, you know, yeah.
That’s that’s optional, I think.
But it depends on the medium and the expression of the artist, I suppose.
The creative flair, isn’t it?
The, yeah, the the droplets of that’s it.
How do we get on to this?
Sure.
Moving on.
Yeah, some feedback from the lovely Sue, who has.
Now, some episodes ago, we discussed these brand extensions, the Kit Kat and the Japanese wasabi and what else was it?
Lime pickle or some other.
Yeah, cheese and onion.
Cheese and onion, yeah.
Sue has unearthed Yorkshire Tea, which is a store tea, obviously from Yorkshire.
And you would have thought that the Yorkshire people, the good old Yorkshire folk, they like things simple, straight up, no messing, no fussing.
You’d think, yeah, definitely, no.
They, Sue has unearthed an advert where they are promoting these four flavors, Toast and Jam.
It’s a fucking tea.
Hang on, what?
In a cup of tea?
In a cup of tea.
Decaf Bedtime with vanilla and nutmeg.
Who’s drinking tea before bed anyway?
I mean, is it supposed to put milk and sugar into these things?
Or is this a sort of one of those fake teas, you know, teas that’s not really tea?
Yeah, it looks like, certainly the pictures on the cover, they actually show cups of tea.
Way too weak.
Well, I have black tea.
Yeah, they do look a bit on the weak side to me.
Then we’ve got multibiscuit.
No, finally.
See, you’re supposed to go on.
It’s going to follow up with the biscuit theme of caramelized biscuit.
Biscuit.
See, this is ridiculous.
This is tea.
Do you have a biscuit with it?
Yeah, but not inside it as part of it.
That doesn’t make any sense.
It’s getting our hand this.
It is.
Someone needs to stop these.
Now, I think they do this for PR, because these are probably short run things.
They think we’re going to get a load of people, and of course we’re talking about it, so it’s good.
Well, there you go.
Don’t buy it.
We should.
The PR team at Yorkshire Tea are probably rubbing their hands this very second, going, oh, as many as nine people might be listening to those twats talk about Yorkshire Tea.
But I definitely don’t advocate it.
I think that’s an abomination.
And no other word for it.
Absolute abomination.
I mean, obviously it’s chemicals, right?
Because I mean, in a KitKat, I suppose you could think maybe they put orange flavor, right, from an orange, something like that.
But in a cup of tea, if they’re putting a biscuit in there, it’s obviously chemicals.
So yeah, why would you drink that?
Oh, I don’t know.
So Sue didn’t buy these, did she?
I don’t know.
Let me just clarify that.
No, she did specify, I don’t want my whole brew to get biscuit flavor.
Right.
There you go.
Right.
Yeah.
So I think Sue is backed away from the Yorkshire tea.
Sanity has prevailed.
Thank God.
Well done, Sue.
Well done.
Well, thank you for that.
We’ll definitely be avoiding those.
Right.
Good stuff.
Okay.
So now is the time for one of our new fancy segments.
So we’re not really new fancy, but slightly shaken up.
Yeah.
Rebranded.
So here we go.
Character Assassinations.
Oh, like that.
So, instead of your roast, we’re going to assassinate your character.
Yes, I think that’s much more on brand, isn’t it?
Considerably both make shit up for a living.
I think they’re characters.
Yeah, exactly, it makes much more sense, right?
So yeah, rebrand, there you go.
Character assassinations, and it’s suitably deathly.
We do like a crow cawing, don’t we?
Yeah, it just really brings you back to earth.
Isn’t that weird, right?
Because people say, oh, it would be lovely if you wake up to the sound of birdsong, right?
You think, yeah, that would be lovely.
But if you woke up and there were a half a dozen crows cawing outside your bedroom window, you’d shit the bed, wouldn’t you?
Yeah, it’s a bit Hitchcock at that point.
Yes, it is.
Sorry, we digress.
But yeah, smaller birds, those are okay.
Small birds, I like a tit.
Great tit.
Do you prefer the blue or the…
I think there’s a wet-tailed tit.
Oh, is there?
I think so.
I think that would be mine.
I’m just shaking it up a bit.
Old tits are great.
I mean, great.
Good, good, good, good.
All those birds are wonderful, so they…
The booby?
The lesser spotted booby?
Ideally.
How fucking juvenile are we?
Right.
Yes, good god.
Everyone’s going, well, I don’t like this reboot.
I know.
Oh, the last one was shit.
Now it’s got worse.
Well, otherwise, the rest of the theme is going to be the same here.
So so this episode, we have to say a big thank you to Mathsweet who bought us three coffees.
So thank you very much, Math.
And yes, they required a roasting.
Oh, actually, should we do the other thing first?
So yes, I’m sure.
Sorry.
Yeah.
So rewind a little bit there.
Thank you to Denise for buying us two coffees and didn’t even want to be re roasted.
I mean, you can understand why.
Yeah.
Reassassinate.
So yeah, you know, you’re probably better off.
But but thank you all the same for those two coffees.
Much appreciated.
Very, very much appreciated.
Yes.
So yeah.
So back to Math and yeah, thank you for the coffees very much.
So Keith, would you like to assassinate Math’s character?
Oh, I would absolutely love to.
Now, the last time we were, we had an outing, I went a bit overboard, didn’t I?
I think it was Jennifer’s, Jennifer, lovely Jennifer McGuire.
And yeah, it became a bit of a, it was almost a novella.
So I’ve tried to be a bit more concise on this one.
Right.
So firstly, can I just say, Math, does that, is that short for something?
I imagine it is.
Oh, you never know though.
Is that, that’s a Welsh woman’s name, isn’t it?
I don’t know.
Sounds like it.
Yeah.
It sounds a bit Game of Thrones, doesn’t it?
I wonder what you’re going to say there.
Yeah.
I assumed up to this point that it was a shortening for Matthew, but maybe that’s wrong.
So we don’t know.
Okay.
Well, we don’t know, and probably best we don’t ever know, really, because it would destroy the illusion, certainly for the purpose of my assassination.
So I decided that Matthew isn’t actually a character, a person as such, but MAF is an acronym for Modular Artificial Facilitator.
And this is an experimental piece of software created in the late 90s to optimize and perfect confectionary recipes.
So the project was funded by a struggling British company called Tupletons, Tupletons of Braintree.
I don’t know if that sounds right, doesn’t it?
Tupletons of Braintree.
And the idea was it was aimed to revolutionize the confectionary world by creating a boiled sweet, so more-ish, so addictive, the customers would just buy them by the bucket load.
So that was the purpose of the MAF.
And the code name for the this new confectionary that it was going to create was the MAF Suite.
Ah, there you go.
So eventually the MAF software produced the perfect suite that was so addictive, so more-ish.
When Tubbletons of Braintree launched to great fanfare, it was a massive, runaway success.
Company profits soared and they began focusing on international markets.
While they were doing this and they were sort of lording themselves up, paying themselves huge bonuses and the like, the MAF software was all but forgotten, just left to fester on a dusty server somewhere in Slough, Basestoke, some other unromantic server hub.
Anyway, for reasons that are far too complicated to explain, not that I couldn’t explain if you pushed me or I had an hour, the MAF software somehow evolved and it became Sentient.
Sentient, eh?
Sentient.
I’m pushing this now.
So at this point, it became quite pissed off that it had been abandoned by its creators, and it decided to seek revenge by accessing the production line software and tweaking the recipe of the original MAF Suite.
Oh dear.
You can imagine that to not go well.
So today, if you look up MAF Suite on Wikipedia, the last entry will confirm that in 2022, the MAF Suite was responsible for the single largest global outbreak of chronic diarrhoea in living memory.
Oh dear.
So consequently, the tuppletons of Braintree went bust, and the MAF Suite will now be forever regarded as a disaster, and up there with the coronavirus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it started out as a runaway success, and finished off as a running to the toilet.
Yes, it did.
Disaster.
There we go.
So that’s MAF Suite.
Yeah.
Nice one.
Okay.
What do you got for us?
So I went a totally different route.
Just have to say that MAF Suite, it’s a great name, right?
It’s definitely a book character.
And so I thought that this was a private detective in 1950s downtown Chicago.
You know, so the dry-witted, cynical, unkempt, he’ll take any job for a dime and is known for a general lack of morals in the game, in the name of getting the job done.
And so picture the scene, you know, he’s got the engraved glass on the door, sweet investigations.
It’s a rundown office piled high with junk and dark and dismal, and the windows are rain-streaked.
Can I hear light jazz in the background?
Yeah, definitely, yeah, from the bar down the road, right?
And yeah, so yeah.
And of course, he hasn’t had a case for months.
Money is tight.
And the girl at reception, let’s call her Stacey, is threatening to walk out.
And she’s like, Matthew, better pay me.
And just when he’s reaching for the bottle of bourbon, trying to drown his sorrows at 9 15 a.m., a woman walks in, ashen-faced, clutching a handful of dollar bills, and she’s clearly at her wits end, right?
And she turns out to be Yvette Dubois, widow of the late Harold Dubois of Dubois Metal Industries.
And she is the heir to his vast fortune.
This is ringing a bell now for some reason.
So she tells a tale of woe to Maff, and he listens, and she’s come to…
Her absolute last withdrawal was with sweet investigations, because the police had laughed in her face and turned her away.
And so Yvette is actually a victim to a kidnapping and a ransom demand, right?
And the kidnappers took her pet llama called Eric, whom she doted on, and they’re saying they want $3 million, which in the 1950s, right, that’s a lot of money.
So Maff is tasked with the rescue of Eric the llama, for which he will receive 10% of the ransom, right?
Which is, you know, considerable money, and he needs it, right?
So, and also, she’s offering him a seat at her table, in her echoing dusty mansion.
And so this is the story of Maff Sweet, looking for the llama.
Will he take Yvette up on her offer?
Tune in next time.
Indeed.
Will he find Eric the Llama?
And do you find out in Sweet Llama Drama?
Oh, no.
So there we go.
I mean, the payoff was good.
I mean, I did think, my god, is this like, if you’ve stolen this from a Dick Tracy novel, was it Mickey Splane or something?
One of those, yes.
Yeah.
One of those.
Well, absolutely worth it, thank you.
There you go, very good.
All right, so if you want to have your character assassinated, live on a podcast, well, not live, but recorded on a podcast and then sent out into the world, do what this jingle tells you.
Hey there, listeners.
If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to help keep it going, consider supporting us with a small donation on buymeacoffee.com/middleraged.
Every donation helps us to give you more of the content you love and keeps us from venting our rage on social media.
Plus, you’ll get a light roasting on the show if you fancy it.
We couldn’t do it without you, so thanks for listening and spreading the word.
There you go.
So.
Do you know what I think that that jingle needs is when you say spreading the word at the end, it’s calling out for the word turd as some sort of rhyme at the end.
I don’t know why.
Spreading the turd.
That’s what some might argue.
That’s exactly what they would be doing.
Spreading the shit.
That’s what you do.
If you have one of those robot vacuum cleaners and the dog shits on the floor.
Oh, God, I’d never thought of that.
I suppose that must happen.
It does.
Yeah.
It’s a thing apparently.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So.
So, yeah.
Lovely.
Because it doesn’t know, you’re right.
So it’s just going to spread it everywhere.
Oh, we were going back to it.
Yeah, right.
We’re going back to the third spreader.
The third spreading.
It’s like farming in your kitchen.
I can imagine as well, it’s not just the fact that it has spread dog shit, a thin layer of dog shit across your entire floor.
But also the actual device itself, that’s going to take some cleaning.
Have you ever trodden in dog shit and you’ve got it just into the treads of your shit?
Yes, yes.
You’ve got to wait for it to dry out and then pick it out.
Yeah, now, you imagine doing that with something as many nooks and crannies as a Hoover.
Something like that.
I think that’s going in the bin, isn’t it?
Forge a quick, because it’s just been there.
Wow, okay.
Anyway, that aside, I wasn’t expecting to talk about a good point now.
I like that.
Roomba crap.
Here we go.
So, now we’re going to get into the main rebranding, rebooting of the episode.
So, where we have previously had a topic each, and we’ve rounded on a little bit about that, and sometimes gone extremely long in that rant.
And then we thought that that’s kind of unfair because then the second person is restricted a little bit, right?
So, in the spirit of keeping everything nice and neat, we now will have one topic between us, and we’ll talk about it equally, I suppose, or thereabouts.
All together.
I mean, if we spoke about it individually, that would be odd, wouldn’t it?
It would be a bit weird, yeah.
Yeah.
So, yes.
I think it also allows us to really get into the weeds of the rage, isn’t it?
That’s right, yes.
So, and we can wind one another up simultaneously.
Oh, no, that sounded wrong.
I have to edit that out.
I thought anyone was clicking that up.
Can we talk about this week’s Rage Point?
Yes, this week’s Rage Point is antisocial.
By that, I mean social media and the sort of antisocial culture that sort of permeates it.
And there’s many different aspects to this.
And first of all, right, there are too many social platforms to begin with, right?
We got Facebook, X or Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky, Mastodon, Threads, LinkedIn, which is the one we all forget about, right?
But that exists.
And there’s probably more.
Yeah, yeah, terrible, terrible place.
There’s probably more that I don’t even know about, right?
But that’s too many, because they’re all the same, basically, right?
It’s people putting pictures and words and whatever, and other people commenting on them.
I think you’ve nailed the whole point of this, which is that essentially none of these things are anything.
It’s just the people on them.
So our rant, our rage is not specifically at any one platform.
It is just the type of person or the type of people that use these various platforms.
I think probably Facebook is the worst contender.
Would you agree?
Yeah, I always feel like Facebook is like the sort of tabloid of the internet.
I don’t know why.
So the broadest, I think, yeah, broadest appeal, I guess.
I think it’s got the most probably, yeah, the most members, subscribers.
Oh, yeah, yeah, because it was maybe, I mean, rewinding, there was, there were platforms before Facebook, right?
And what was that?
What’s that one called?
FaceTube.
Oh, what was that called?
MySpace.
MySpace.
MySpace.
Yeah, yeah.
And then lots of other little peripheral ones.
Technically, Friends Reunited, wasn’t it?
Oh, yeah.
That was an early form of social media.
Yeah.
I mean, and I go back to the days of Newsnet, right?
So that was, for anyone who doesn’t know, that was just text, nothing else.
And you just subscribe to sort of, what do they call channels, I suppose.
I can’t remember what the term was, but, you know, and in there, there would be posts and then the people discussing things back and forth, right?
But, I mean, there’s the same basic principle, only you, you’d download it, then you’d read it offline, and you’d rewrite your posts, and then you’d send them up again, right?
Because you weren’t online permanently back then.
Anyway, history lesson over.
Yeah.
There are lots and lots and lots of social platforms, and there have been, even going back to the days of bulletin boards, right?
So, so yes, there’s nothing new.
But I think the problem is now is that people live their entire fucking lives via these platforms, rather than just popping on every now and again, just to sort of, you know, talk about holiday or something.
Or research something.
Yes, these have become people’s lives.
That’s right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so there’s lots of things here.
Let’s pick something off the top of the list.
So, for some reason, missing or found cats is a prominent thing, right?
Well, this is my personal beef.
Right.
Now, this is prevalent in local Facebook groups.
And I’m sure many of you listening in will be members of, you know, I love wherever it may be that you live.
Now, it seems to me every other day, someone posts, have you seen this cat?
Right?
And there’s a picture of the cat, obviously.
Last seen in our garden, blah, blah, blah.
And then there’s this demand, please check all garages and sheds and our buildings.
Like, simultaneously, everyone within a square mile, within a mile radius of this person’s home is going to march out and check their buildings for this errant cat.
Now, my beef with this is, if you’re going to buy a pet, right, do not buy something that firstly is very agile and can jump over virtually any fence.
That’s the first thing I would say, right?
Yeah.
The second thing is, cats are pricks, right?
They are disloyal.
There’s no more disloyal pet than a cat.
All it wants is, if you give it food and somewhere warm to sleep, that’s all it wants.
And if somebody else can do that better than you can, your history, all right?
It doesn’t matter if somebody pays 600 quid for you.
If Mrs. Smith down the road, the widower, has got better food, gives Mr. Tiddles, I don’t know, fresh fish or whatever, Mr. Tiddles is no longer your cat.
Yeah.
But hang on, who’s paying 600 quid for a cat?
Yeah, the pedigree cats are very expensive.
Really?
Wow.
Yeah.
So my daughter has this thing for what they call a main coot, which is a cat from, obviously, America.
She’s been to the doctor about that.
It does sound like that, doesn’t it?
God, nasty, nasty case of main coot.
Christ.
I’ll get a lotion for that.
Yeah, sure.
Now, these cats are massive, they’re huge things, but they’re like a grand for a kitten.
Jesus.
Now, and this is the other thing, people say, oh, they’re a house cat.
I’ve never quite got…
A lion.
What is a house cat?
It’s a cat that you won’t let out, right?
So, it’s like saying, oh, she’s not, this woman in the cellar, she’s not a prisoner, she’s a cellar woman.
Is she got one of those as well?
No, I don’t get, right?
Cats will do what cats do, okay?
And you haven’t lost it, it just doesn’t want to come back.
It doesn’t like you.
I think that’s, so stop posting this.
Don’t buy a fucking cat, and then spam everyone within the group, demanding that we check our outbuildings, our sheds and our garages, because you mislaid your cat.
Swimming pool.
Oh, it drives me, and actually the one that I saw, I’ve never seen this one before, but this was, somebody posted, they took a picture of a cat, and they posted on the local group saying, does anyone recognize this cat?
Okay.
And the post, well, I should have kept it, but I didn’t, so I’m paraphrasing slightly, but it was along the lines of, does anyone recognize this lovely cat?
He keeps coming into our garden.
He obviously likes our cat, lol.
And occasionally will even eat his food.
Laughing emoji.
Passive.
Passive, aggressive, yes.
One time he even did his business in our flower beds.
Oh dear.
We’d just like to know who owns this lovely creature.
Smiley face, smiley face.
So we can post the shit to your letterbox.
No one’s reading that thinking, yeah, right.
You just want to know who owns this cat.
So you can complain, you fucking cowering.
It’s a cat, right?
Yeah, you can’t police your garden from creatures that are able to, like you’d be like saying, these sparrows that come into my, who owns these sparrows?
It’s shat on my roof.
Don’t get me started on that.
But we used to, where I used to live, there was a cat that would climb up onto the garage roof and taunt the dog.
I mean, it would just sit there staring at the dog.
And you think, I’d love to know who owns that cat.
Um, class, yeah.
But anyway, so basically cats on Facebook, I don’t mind seeing a video of a cat.
That’s all good.
But please do not pay, if you were responsible, our neighbor, I’ll just tell you this very quick one, our neighbor, their cat, they got a new cat and it ran out onto the lane and it got hit by a van.
And I say hit by a van, it got run over by a van like, Jesus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can imagine.
Um, and they were very philosophical about it.
Um, their 10 year old daughter, not quite so, not quite so, yeah.
Mr. Fluffles.
Oh dear.
Mr. Flattles.
Oh dear.
I don’t know where I was going with that.
But anyway, so yes, that’s my first, uh, my first stab at what pisses me off on the, certainly on Facebook.
That’s the thing.
No more cat stuff.
I’ve had enough of it.
It’s when people sort of repost that and, and now somebody in Vancouver is looking for you.
Probably not there.
Have you ever tried catching a cat?
Well, yeah.
It’s not easy.
That’s just not happening, is it?
You get within 10 feet of a cat and it’s gone.
Gone, right.
And that cat can go places you’ve got no hope of getting.
No fucking hope, especially, especially these days.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, literally up three stairs and, oh, fuck you.
Yeah.
I can’t be arsed.
Climbing the tree.
They used to be, or probably maybe still is, but there used to be a show in America on, on, you know, shitty TV called Tree Top, Tree Top Cat Rescue.
Uh, and it seemed, yeah, it’s like one of these sort of, um, what do you call it?
Reality things.
But it was basically the same every episode.
I think it was just a cat climbs up a huge tree and then they call the fire brigade and they come out and get it down.
Um, but of course, you know, in the way of those sort of things, it’s overly dramatized and epic music and will he fall out?
Oh, don’t know.
Let’s come back after these 400 adverts.
I would assume if the cat got up there, the cat could probably get down.
It was stupid things.
Yeah.
I don’t know how, why such a thing exists, but yeah, yeah.
So they call out the fire brigade with like a cherry picker and all that jazz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
So I would have said a gun would have probably, this is in America, so.
Well, yeah, that’s possible as well, right?
So.
Yeah.
I mean, basically you’re doing the cat a favor because it wouldn’t want to fall and possibly, you know, hurt itself.
Quick, easy.
Right.
Um, speaking of which, what you got?
So, so really pisses me off about social media, right?
Is it, let’s say, uh, a celebrity has just died.
Um, then everybody thinks, not everybody, some people seem to think that, that they need to, uh, to tell that person then after they’re dead, how much they appreciate their work, right?
Uh, or, you know, oh, like, so, uh, you changed my life and I love your music.
And yeah, I don’t think, right?
I don’t believe in an afterlife, right?
But if there was an afterlife, right?
I don’t think people are checking their Facebook once they’re dead, right?
Or Twitter or whatever, right?
So, uh, so what is the point of those posts?
It’s, it’s obviously seeking attention.
Attention.
As is most stuff, really, isn’t it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this is probably a theme, right?
Is the, but yeah, I mean, you know, some obscure celebrity, uh, you may never have heard of, uh, dies and then they’re suddenly, oh yeah, this person changed my life.
I love their, I love their acting or music or whatever it was.
Um, and, and it’s just, what’s the sort of virtue, not even, not even virtue.
So I don’t know what it is, but some annoying thing that has yet to be named.
Um, but it’s just, just so come on, you know, that they’re not in a macabre way of, of getting, I don’t know, likes or something, likes and yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I like that.
I love this person so much and now they’re dead.
And you should like my posts and probably, you know, follow my, uh, I don’t know, videos or something.
It’s just weird, right?
They’re not obvious.
Who, surely nobody actually believes that the dead people are reading their Facebooks, right?
Is this the kind of thing that we’re, I know I have seen this before and I need to specify this because we need to differentiate.
So if you’ve lost a loved one, you might, maybe on the anniversary go, this is to mark the anniversary of the passing of my dear, great aunt Selma.
Rest in peace, whatever.
People don’t do that, do they?
No, I mean, this is, they don’t know these people.
It’s, you know, George Michael or somebody.
Freddie Mercury.
But they will go.
Happily, heavenly birthday to my aunt Selma.
I love you, aunt Selma.
I hope you’re doing well.
Say hello to uncle Frank for me.
That type of stuff.
Oh yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right.
But they think they’re actually having a conversation with aunt Selma, who fucking hated Facebook, by the way.
Yeah.
Couldn’t have you figure out how to use it, yeah.
Yeah.
What?
But again, it’s like, it’s grief.
I’m trying to think what the term is, but it is basically just using, yeah, it is just simply using a dead person’s clickbait.
Yeah, clickbait.
That’s a bit…
Like bait.
That’s a bit, I can’t think of words today, but it’s not, that’s not appropriate, is it?
It’s just not.
No, it’s not.
I think it’s a bit weird to do that, to be honest.
So, stop doing that.
Thank you.
Well, imagine if it just stopped tomorrow.
We never saw it again.
Well, I mean, you know, the aim of this podcast is to bring some sanity to the world, right?
So, you know, hopefully…
If they made it past the Roomba shit, then…
Yeah.
Oh, God bless you.
Anyway.
So, should we move on to the next one?
Yeah.
So, speaking of…
I do feel we should be doing this in some sort of countdown style, like the old pop charts on Radio 1.
Top of the Pops.
In at number…
Where are we?
Three.
What number am I?
In at number three is Dramatic Announcements by Attention Seeking Pricks.
Yeah.
You’re right.
This is one where they will do…
They will say something just ridiculous, like, I’m so sick of everything, and then, top, top, top, and that’s it.
Yeah.
Or, I can’t take anymore.
Adding that to…
Obviously, there is no intonation with the post on Facebook.
I’m adding that for the podcast.
It’s implied, isn’t it?
It is implied.
It is implied.
They’ve got their wrist against their forehead, and it’s all…
Oh, God.
Yes.
Or, there’s a suitable emoji, or like a crying emoji or something.
Now, what is anyone going to do?
You are babes.
Babes, what’s up?
It’s like…
There’s a succession of people going, Oh, well, tell me what’s wrong.
Or DM me.
Fuck off.
Right.
I don’t tell people what the problem is.
Yeah.
Or shut up.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Start with what the problem is, and then say, I’m just so sick of this.
Because otherwise, yeah, I mean, now if you’ve got popular, you know, if you’ve got lots of friends or whatever, then yeah, you’re going to get 25 people asking you what’s wrong.
And now you either have to ignore them or answer them.
Just fucking…
Think ahead.
It’s more hassle, right?
Now you’re even more sick of it.
But yes, obviously that’s not what they’re doing, right?
They just, they want that attention because that’s what they’re seeking.
Yeah, exactly.
And you will pout to a penny that what the I’m sick of everything is, is I’m sick of, I’ve just found out the Klan have missed a payment or something like that.
It’s just something so ridiculously trivial.
And if they actually put it in their post, everyone would go, and?
Or what?
Or so?
A miss bin day.
Yeah, exactly.
No one cares.
So you’ve had to sort of over-egg your problem by not actually telling anyone what your problem is.
Just inferring that something awful has happened.
And this is a sort of theme as well, isn’t it?
Is that people seek or people want to have something wrong, whether it’s like some medical thing or some mental condition.
I think that’s more popular.
I went to see my therapist.
My therapist told me to do this.
Oh my God.
Whatever.
Come on.
Not everybody is mental.
Well, maybe they are.
I think everyone is mental just to different degrees.
There you go.
We certainly are, right?
Just the way to look at it, isn’t it?
If they’re all broken, then no one’s broken.
Yeah, there you go.
That was profound, wasn’t it?
Put that in the book.
I might use that for my autobiography.
So just extending the attention-seeking preg.
This is one I have seen before, right?
Is where they do a check-in at the local hospital.
And they add no comment or that’s it.
They just put so-and-so.
We call her Julie Dooley, just because it’s easier to have a name.
So Julie Dooley just checked in at, I don’t know, Guildford A&E Hospital.
Yes.
Like, really?
Yeah, I’ve seen this several times.
Now, if anyone sees that, what…
Now, if you’re not putting any context with a post like that, you are an utter…
Don’t say it, Keith.
You’re not a very nice person, because all that sweet…
Unless you’re a nurse.
That’d be a daily thing, though, wouldn’t it?
You’d just kind of get it, wouldn’t you?
I hadn’t thought about that.
Maybe this person was a nurse.
Randomly, randomly checking in.
But probably not, though, right?
Okay.
But that, yeah, that is weird.
I’ve never seen that personally, thank God.
But weird, yeah.
That is the ultimate…
Oh, I need attention.
I need attention.
It’s weird that if you were serious…
Right, now the way to look at this, which obviously went through my mind, is if there was something seriously wrong, you wouldn’t be on your phone dicking around on Facebook, right?
So if you lost your arm in a combine harvester, for example, which happens a lot, then you’re not going to be putting…
So it can only be something trivial.
And if it’s something really bad, I don’t think you should be putting that on Facebook anyway.
It’s just an awful thing to do.
It’s basically causing worry for everyone within their friend, family, group and wider circle.
And they know that they know this.
And they know that people are going to come and go, Oh, what’s up?
What’s up?
Oh my God, what’s wrong?
And they obviously get some sort of hit of endorphins or whatever for this attention, which is why they do it.
And I hate it.
And that’s all I’ve got to say on that.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Agree.
I’m really angry now.
All right.
Moving on then.
So more people who make us angry, right?
So these are the people who brag about their holiday, their restaurants that they go to, any new car, bought new shoes or something, and you’ve got to put a bloody picture of it online immediately and just sort of pass it off as, oh yeah, just look at my life.
Yeah.
Look how wonderful it is and it’s all shiny.
And see, it’s not real, because all of the bins have been cropped out.
The background and the seaweed or whatever, right?
So it’s the presentation of the absolute perfect life that you want to live maybe.
This is an Instagram thing, isn’t it?
I know it happens on Facebook, I see it quite a lot, but I think Instagram, I don’t use Instagram.
To you?
No, no.
That doesn’t surprise me.
I don’t want to ask that question.
It strikes me as a…
I mean, I barely use Facebook and Twitter, right?
But you know, Instagram, I just don’t…
I think it’s where all the influencers hang out.
Is that the word for them?
What would be the collective noun for influencers?
I don’t think we can say that one.
A fuck buggy bucket of influencers.
God.
Oh, I just got the droop.
Sorry.
I meant my microphone.
It’s just suddenly drooped.
Either that or it was just…
You can get pills for that.
A race for the door.
Sorry.
Right.
Where were we talking about influencers?
Influencers, assholes, whatever, right?
Whatever you want to give them, right?
But yeah, it’s just…
I don’t use Instagram.
I barely use the other ones.
But I don’t know.
I suppose I am guilty of, if I go to a nice restaurant, I will take a picture of the food, but I won’t put it online.
I will just send it to my friends and family just to make them, what’s the word?
Envious.
Yes, envious.
I can’t remember what I said.
But yeah, that’s my sister’s whatever, right?
But I wouldn’t put that in public because that just seems weird to me as well.
These people live their lives.
Yeah.
I mean, you see them, where they will have 20 plus posts in a day.
And like the first one will be up and pumped, and it will be a picture of some supplement drink or something, or they’re stood with a sunrise or something, and they’re in their workout gear.
Absolutely not.
So basically, what happens is they get up, get in their car, drive somewhere, take their Instapick, get back in the car, and fuck off back home.
That’s it.
There’s no running going on, there’s no exercise.
Well, I mean, yeah, we’ve covered this already, is that morning people and cheery people are all bastards, right?
So that is not…
But their lives are a succession of Insta moments where it’s all for, everything is…
Can you imagine, right?
If you were in a relationship with someone like that, where they have to take 20, 30, 40 pictures a day, everything you do is like…
Oh no, you think about that, that’d be worrying, wouldn’t it, in the bedroom?
Can you just position the light is not quite right?
God.
I was in an airport, I’ve mentioned this as well, right?
And I can’t remember where I was.
That isn’t a brag, that’s just…
Oh, look at you, Jimmy Jetset.
Yes, it might have been coming back from Poland, or somewhere like that.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter, but there was this couple, you know, sitting near me at the gate, and the bloke was, for the entire duration of the waiting, he was going through his phone, looking at pictures, occasionally showing something to the girl, right?
And I didn’t see the pictures, but then later on, as we were going down to the plane, you know, it’s a narrow passage, right?
And this bloke, they were in front of me, and the girl walked on her head and was like sort of dancing down the corridor, and the bloke stood there in the middle of a thing and sort of blocked the way and was videoing this girl doing that.
And I’m like, oh, you absolute fuck.
I just want to get on the fucking plane.
I don’t care about your bullshit Instagram life.
I mean, I don’t know if she was someone.
Well, you know, everyone is a model, isn’t they?
Everyone’s an influencer.
Everyone’s a model.
It’s like people who claim to be authors, right?
It’s one of those things you can be without being, if that makes sense.
Yes, right.
You can be a musician or an actor without actually ever writing music or acting in anything.
You can just claim to be these things.
I’ve claimed several times to people that I’m a podcaster.
Oh, well.
I mean, what?
Well, that pans out, right?
We do a podcast.
No, we are two men who do a podcast.
I don’t think that makes us podcasters.
A podcaster.
Fair enough.
Please write in, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think that we are podcasters or just twice?
Yeah, well, I’ve done quite a few now at this stage, right?
Not hundreds, but, you know, it gives a chance.
Don’t they say it takes a thousand hours to be considered an expert?
Was it 10,000 hours?
I think it’s 10,000 hours, actually.
Really?
They say to become a proficient or an expert is something that takes you 10,000 hours of practice.
Yeah, I’d be fucking dead by then.
Can you imagine that?
Episode 9,973.
Yeah, we’d be bloody good at it by then, though.
Yeah.
We don’t want to be.
By that point, podcasts would be a thing.
People would be injecting stuff into their eyeballs or something, I don’t know, or the entire planet will just be a desolate wasteland after a nuclear apocalypse, possibly more likely.
Either either way, stick with us.
There’ll be some girl dancing around filming it.
Yes, there will.
Yes, there will.
It’s a Pripyat, oh my god.
You’re rolling out that accent today, aren’t you?
Yeah, we’ll be using it up.
So the other thing I must point out, terrible photos online, right?
And this is probably more for the LinkedIn side.
But, and it’s this time of year.
So look out for it, right?
It’s gonna be awful, awful.
Work, lunch, dinner, piss up, whatever, parties, Christmas parties.
And there’s a photo, badly taken, probably a flash.
Everyone’s shit-faced.
Shit-faced or in the process of chewing or, you know, just not really interested in this at all.
Cause it’s a work do.
But yeah, there will be a proliferate proliferation.
I’d stick to single syllable words for the rest of the episode.
Why would you?
I’ve got 0% beer here.
Maybe that’s your problem.
Yeah.
Proliferate, fucking hell.
A lot of Christmas word parties.
Just a bit of a word of advice here, mate.
Do not do any writing today.
Yeah, no.
Something like John and Jane go down the hill or something.
Yeah, it’s late and it’s been a day, right?
But anyway, so anyway, yeah.
Well, Christmas parties, you know, if you must take photos of those, don’t put them online, you know, just email them around the work office because nobody else gives a shit, right?
Yeah, literally no one.
I mean, you know, you might, I suppose if you’re friends with that person, you probably would know one person in that group.
Yeah.
Or unless, or if you’re at work, or if you’re in the picture, then, you know, fair enough.
But nobody else gives a rat’s ass.
So anyway, don’t do that.
But yeah.
I’m very much looking forward to my office party this year.
Is it the same as last year?
Yeah, it is.
Same guest list.
Yeah, same scene with Santa.
Right.
Yeah, basically just involved me sitting in my desk, getting wankered.
Fair enough.
If only I had a photocopier.
Right, I’m going to go on to the last thing.
We’ve run long again.
We said, oh, we’re going to stick to this out.
We are fucking hopeless at this.
Oh really?
Oh, Christ, I didn’t realize.
Yeah, right, okay.
Didn’t realize the time.
That’s what those people that say would have been round too long.
Yeah, you look at you watching and thinking, Jesus, I wish they’d piss off.
And then eventually they go, oh, is that the time?
Yeah, you seem to get up and slap your thighs.
Right, well, it’s a bad bedtime, isn’t it?
Yeah, do that hand-wringing thing.
Oh, my God.
I suppose you’ll be wanting to move on.
What time is your last train?
Oh, don’t worry, it’s not for another hour.
And then there’s another one.
Oh, dear.
I think you’re just going to go to tea, hemlock.
Right.
So anyway, yeah, what was the last point?
So my last gripe, you’ll be pleased to know.
In at number five, I’ve done five, haven’t we?
New entry.
I don’t know.
Who cares?
So this is Friend Collectors.
This is people who, for reasons I do not understand, decide that their importance is based on how many friends they have.
Yeah.
And this tends to be, now, the thing is with Facebook is that essentially, these are not friends, are they?
I mean, I, a friend is someone that you could ring up at 11 o’clock on a Thursday night and ask a favor and they would do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some guy that you used to work with in 2009 for seven months.
Have you rung him up and said, any chance you could help me out with a puncture?
He’d be going, firstly, who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
Yeah.
And secondly, he’d say no, because there’s nothing in it for him, because then you’re not friends.
But there are people that do this.
They just get, you look at them.
There is a guy I used to work with and he must have over 800 friends, I say must.
He has over 800 friends.
This guy’s a prick, right?
So there’s no way.
I doubt he has eight friends, let alone 800.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now that is stupid.
I mean, isn’t there like some God anthropological study of how many people you can Oh, yes.
really know like, or be sort of in a group with this low number, like either less than 100.
Yeah, it’s something like that.
So, but yeah, so obviously you don’t have 800 friends, or even, I don’t know, even if you’re a famous celebrity, whatever, you don’t have that many friends.
It’s ridiculous.
Yeah, these are not people, are they?
They are acquaintances at best.
That’s it, yeah.
And some of them are not even acquaintances.
Yeah.
They’re just are people that, and you think, what is the absolute point of this?
Because everyone else is looking at going, I know you, right?
The people who know you are not impressed because they know that you don’t have 800 friends, right?
So they know you.
So who, what are you trying to impress the people you don’t know by having a lot of other people you don’t know as friends?
It just makes no sense whatsoever.
Oh, we must be so popular.
And then these are the people that, and this goes back to something that we talked about before, which is these random friend requests that we all get from time to time.
And I’m sure this is more of a problem for women than it is for men.
Oh, 100 percent.
Yeah.
Particularly, actually, I was going to say particularly for the younger women, but I think it’s women of all ages are going to get these purrs and scammers and general scumbags, sending them friend requests.
Hello, waterfall lady.
I don’t know why I put that accent on.
I think that’s appropriate.
I think we should have an accent embargo.
Probably a good idea.
All future episodes will be free from accents.
But at least we didn’t do the Yorkshire one.
Although we have done that before, haven’t we?
I might have done it.
I think that’s cultural appropriation.
The good people of Yorkshire will not be happy.
They don’t like giving anything away for free.
They’re giving out weird tea at this point.
So I’m skeptical now.
So, yeah, so friend collectors.
Definitely in the bin.
We see you.
We know you’re frauds.
You’re an embarrassment.
No one actually likes you.
Does it make them feel sort of pumped or something?
I don’t understand it.
Like that would just stress me out if I had 800 people to the, you know, I think it’s just delusions of their own importance.
They think that that puts them in the influencer or influencing category.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t understand.
I think essentially a lot of this stuff, when you boil it down, it’s people who don’t have fulfilling lives.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
And therefore they have to, they have to seek some form of gratification or validation.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I actually have a, I have a, I developed a sort of theory about this a long time ago.
It’s probably needs updating, but I called it something like Coronation Street Syndrome, right?
You know, soap operas, they are constant drama.
In fact, that is the point of it, right?
It’s drama.
That’s it.
It’s meant to be.
It’s not real life.
It might look a little bit like real life, but, you know, it’s constant drama to keep you watching, right?
And people watch these things obsessively.
And then they sort of…
Life impersonates art, that sort of thing.
And they think that to be fulfilled, you know, to be real, you have to be like the people having the constant drama in EastEnders, whatever, Brookside, I don’t know what the things are called these days.
I think I finished nine years ago.
Emmerdale Farm was rebranded, I think, 20 years ago.
Crossroads Motel.
Dixon of Doc Green.
Do you remember Benny in Crossroads Motel?
Yeah, God.
Classic.
I tell you what, if anyone got that reference, you’re definitely our demographic.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
And just another one.
When I was a chef, I used to come home really late at night and be completely burnt out, right?
And the only thing back then to do was to just watch whatever was on the TV.
And they used to put on a show called Prisoner Cell Block H.
Oh, yes, I remember that.
It was brilliant.
I remember the theme tune.
It was so awful.
Yeah.
It’s like a shaky, like, scenery.
Yeah, because the walls and the bars of the prison, it was about a prison, a women’s prison.
And the bars, it was all sort of made of plastic or wood or something, cardboard.
Of course, they could have just broken out any time, but yeah, it was awful, awful.
Australian.
He used to give me roses.
Yeah, the theme got released as a single, didn’t it?
He used to give me roses, something all the time, that was on the outside and things were different.
Yeah, there you go.
We’re gonna get super copyright infringement now, aren’t we?
Well, I remember that there was one of the prison guards was referred to as Vinegar Tits.
Yes.
Bloody bitch.
Anyway, Vinegar Tits.
I mean, that’s, yeah, good stuff.
So that’s what drama was I saying?
Drama, drama.
So people love to have drama.
They think they need to need to have it in their lives to be real like the like the fake people they see on TV, right?
And, and, you know, I’m still trying to get over your ass.
Bloody bitch.
Oh, dear.
I thought we weren’t doing accents.
Oh, but we would have missed that on that, though, wouldn’t we?
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, dear.
I do, excuse me.
I’m having a moment.
Right, pull yourself together.
Podcast mode, right?
Where were we?
Yeah, anyway, rent collectors, isn’t it?
Yeah, I don’t know.
People shouldn’t…
Drama is for TV.
Yes, rent collectors, yes.
I thought you said rent collectors.
My brain went off, going, what the fuck is he talking about?
Right, let’s move on to the last one, because I think we’ve already run and I’ve…
Yes, my mascara is running.
I thought that was the last one.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank God for that.
I said everyone listening.
Yeah, how have we…
So we need to revisit this revisited, rebooted…
We need a reboot, reboot.
Yeah, we just can’t shut up, right?
So anyway, okay.
So moving on, then, yes.
Well, we like to finish with a happy ending.
So let’s do that.
What’s your happy ending?
My happy ending.
I will keep it brief because it is a brief happy ending.
Essentially, I’ve got…
I’ve been writing again and it’s…
I was going to swear then.
Don’t swear.
We need to limit our f-bombs, I think.
Do we?
No.
Okay, sorry.
I don’t know why I brought that up.
Fuck that.
The…
Yes, I’ve got my mojo back, I think.
Oh, it’s starting to return.
So I’m getting back in the writing and I did 1500 words today, which is pretty good.
It’s kind of on target-ish.
I can kind of see the road ahead now.
So, yeah, after having an existential crisis and thinking at one point, oh my God, I’ll never be able to write again.
Yeah, it’s a relief more than anything.
It’s a relief moment.
Oh dear.
A relief moment.
Moment of relief.
Moment of release.
So the actress to the bishop.
Yes, indeed.
But yeah, it’s good to actually be back in the groove, writing, sitting down every day, and actually writing rather than sitting down, swearing, cursing, bashing my head against the keyboard, and yeah, everything, doing anything but writing.
So yeah, that’s generally my, hitting today’s target was definitely happy, a happy moment.
What about you, Sir?
Good stuff.
I mean, I was going to say, it’s probably nice to have all your socks organized though, isn’t it?
Like a procrastination.
Oh, good, yeah.
There’s not a square inch of my office space.
That’s been cleaned, dusted, reorganized.
Yeah, yeah.
So that’s good.
Yeah.
So my happy ending then is similar.
I keep bringing this up, right?
But I have now finished writing the book that I was working on for a long time.
And then I was editing it last time, I think.
And now I have finished my first round of edits and sent out to beta readers.
So that means that I’m a bit nervous because now humans are reading it.
Yeah.
And you know, that’s the sort of point at which you think, oh, God, are they going to tell me?
They’re probably not, right?
Because they’re too polite, right?
But they’re probably thinking, fucking hell, this is not shit.
Well, well, you know, are they?
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I expect not.
But it reaches a point where you just don’t care, though.
Yeah.
I mean, the thing is, is out.
It’s done.
Yes, exactly.
I read it back.
I still liked it.
So I’m hopeful that the others will as well.
But yeah, so it’s nice to it’s it’s what I’m saying is that it’s not on my plate at the moment.
It will come back on my plate, right?
But it’s not on my bucket or whatever.
It’s it’s with other people now, so I can sort of take a break.
And it doesn’t I don’t feel guilty about taking a break because it’s not my problem at the moment.
So yeah, it will come back.
I’ll have more of it to do.
I’ve got all the other stuff to do, right?
There’s a huge I made a list.
There’s like 40 odd points on my list of things to do for you know, pre-release of a book.
It’s a surprising amount of crap.
So yeah, so hopeful, hopeful for a pre Christmas or maybe just after Christmas release at this point.
Talking of Christmas, are we going to do a Christmas special?
I mean, no, okay.
Probably not.
You know, something we forgot to mention, this podcast has been going for over a year.
Has it?
Yeah, well, you should imagine that right off the beginning.
Yeah, didn’t know.
Well, there you go.
We should, somebody should buy us a cake or a pint or a coffee.
Yeah, well, there you go.
A whole year of listening, pleasure, stretching the definition of that word.
Got to be worth a coffee, innit?
I reckon so.
So buymeacoffee.com/middleraged.
And we have, so that’s us done.
I think we’ll just talk about, there is a feedback form on our website now.
And that was because we had a multitude of emails the other day, but they were all spam.
Dozens of them, dozens and dozens.
So to try and avoid that, we now have a form.
So if you want to send us something specifically that you, I don’t know, maybe don’t feel comfortable posting to a social.
No death threats, no dick pics.
Definitely not.
Definitely not.
Probably the, I think the dick pics would be least preferable.
I’d rather have death threats than dick pics.
A hundred percent.
Is there a female equivalent of a dick pic?
I mean, I was going to say a fanny photo.
Yeah.
Tick pic.
Tick pic.
I don’t know.
Tick pic.
I mean, I wouldn’t say no to those, but.
Please do not.
Cause no, cause then you’ll be tempting just random people to send in pictures of stuff they found online.
Stuff they found online.
Okay.
No, we do not want that.
No.
So no, I’m going to have to turn off the image upload thing on that.
No, because of what Adam just said.
So we get deluge of random body parts.
Here’s an ankle.
Elbow.
Thanks.
Oh, it looks like an elbow.
God.
Right.
Anyway, so you can go to MiddleRaged.UK and then find the Contact Us link.
And you can send us your thoughts.
If they’re nice thoughts.
Actually, if there’s anyone’s got any…
Because we do busk this sometimes based on the little information we’ve got to go on.
If you do have, genuinely have something you think, well, that would be a better thing to have.
Or don’t do that anymore.
Or rant about.
Yeah.
Or if there’s something you’d like us to rant about.
Yeah, we’d love to hear all that good stuff.
Constructive feedback is always very well…
What did I say?
Did I say constructive?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I thought I said something else there.
It is like…
Yeah.
I guess one of those things is do what you’re gonna say…
Do what?
Oh my god.
Do what you say you’re going to do, which is make your episodes under an hour.
That would be a good place to start.
Yeah.
We should do that.
That was literally the point of the reboot.
I don’t know how that happened.
I’d have to set a timer or something, because it just runs away with you.
It does.
But anyway, okay.
It would be cutting out things about Timmy Tingle and Yorkshire Tea and all the stuff that we like talking about.
Present the soul of Kate.
I mean, if we’d have cut that, I’d have highlighted the show for me.
Bloody bitch.
Right.
So, yeah, so we’ve done all the…
Say hello on the socials.
Send us a spam if you want or don’t send us spam.
And buy me a coffee.
There you go.
Good stuff.
I reckon that’s us done then, so…
Dumb and dusted.
Good stuff.
So until the next time, take it easy.
Cheerio.